New Moan  

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I Can't Help It, Sorry... ;-P


There, all done with exams! Now I get to be a jerk in the blogosphere and get away with it. Let’s see, today I’mma pick a bone with Stephenie… (wait for it) … Meyer! Well, to be accurate (and consistent, mind you), I’ll have a go with New Moon (slash Twilight). Now that the internet is flooded with torrents of the freshest pee from the cinema (by pee, I mean the fastest copy of New Moon from the camcorder of a freckled nerd who wants to impress chics who’d probably never thank him for his torrent), let the euphoria and throwing ups begin.

Come on, how the heck could any of you guys read that stuff? I mean, romance is a thing, and this is another. This is sickeningly retarded for a guy. Reading it alone could either:

A - genetically screw up the Y of your XY configuration, or

B - genetically screw up the Y of your XY configuration.

Sadly, for the male half of the population, there are still some who go gaga over the entire series. LOTS of ‘em. Half of the outcasts have by now, a New Moon poster as their Facebook profile pic. Half of the remaining half have already begun downloading an unclear, camcorder copy of New Moon (yeah, the freshest pee), despite knowing very well that a clear aXXo copy will be up in a week’s time. The remaining half (hence completing the Twilight-New Moon watching cluster) watch and read it, but deny watching or reading it.

Pictured From L-R: Carlisle Jonas, Edward Jonas and Jacob Jonas


Here’s a confession, I DID WATCH Twilight. But I did it out of sheer curiosity, not to actually enjoy it. And no, I didn’t watch it in a cinema. A typical conversation of someone asking me out to watch it would be something like this:

Y : Hey, wanna watch Twilight tomorrow?

M : Sorry, can’t coz I have this thing…

Y : What?

M : Uh…a penis?

Y : Lol...

M : Haha

Oh, and if you’re wondering (I’m sure you’re not), I watched it in June, about seven months after its release. Well, the movie is itself weird with awkward conversations and certain illogical storyline, but to be just, it tallies the Harry Potter movies. But when it comes to comparing books, we all know which saga will triumph over the other.

Okay, in fairness, romance is all about love, fairy tales, sunshitne and wicked mother-in-laws, I get it, but Twilight is described accurately by the genius of Cracked as follows:

"A full account of Edward's appearance can be found in the book, Twilight. For that matter, an account of Edward's appearance is pretty much the only thing that can be found in the book."

Really, if you’re that desperate to indulge in some romance, I’d recommend you A Walk To Remember. Now that’s a real one…


PS: Please don’t take offense, because I wasn’t intending any offense to anyone. If you happen to be a Twilight enthusiast and you’re sitting next to me drinking coffee, I’ll still smile and treat you as I treat my best of friends because I don’t discriminate. Twilight and its successive titles are all books, and as such, I have a constantly high respect for them.

Don't Judge A Book By Its Movie  

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The beneath are but some chunks of sarcasm from a book I’m currently dating. Thing is, as absurd as they may be, they’re all statistically proven (save some which are assumed to be as such since the assumptions were made from statistically proven facts). They're just, freaky...



According to the Indian Council of Medical Research, some 60 percent of Indian men have penises too small for the condoms manufactured to meet the World Health Organisation specs.

“The condom,” declared one of the researchers, “is not optimized for India.”


It appears that cable TV really did empower the women of rural India even to the point of no longer tolerating domestic abuse.

Or maybe their husbands were just too busy watching cricket.


…a New Yorker was nearly twice as likely to die from a car accident today. (There are unfortunately no statistics available on drunk horse-drivers, but we can assume the number would be menacingly high.)


Today, when you admire old New York brownstones and their elegant stoops, rising from the street level to the second-storey parlor, keep in mind that this was a design necessity, allowing the homeowner to rise above the sea of horse manure.


Doing the math, you find that on a per-mile basis, a drunk walker is eight times more likely to get killed than a drunk driver…so as you leave your friend’s party, the decision should be clear: driving is safer than walking.


Premarital sex emerged as a viable substitute for prostitution.


Anyway, the title of this post has nothing to do with the book itself, but is placed to celebrate the sarcasm contained in it. Hats off to Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner…

Interdouchenection  

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What use will a technically retarded ISP bring me if it can’t even upload my Facebook home page accordingly…

The Facebook According To Chrome

…and the profile page…


Crying My 98 Bucks Out...

…and denying me access to my source of entertainment whilst having the cheek of blaming it on others (why, thanks for the encouragement, Chrome!)…


Self-Retardation Is Bad For Business. Thought You'd Know...

…also giving me shyte download speed for a typically high rate of seed torrents…


Start>Run>what_the_duck.exe

...and above all (you ready for it?!), preventing me from logging into my Blogger account?


...and Now I'd Like To Dedicate a Song by Lily Allen to My ISP

“Up to 3.6MBps”, my behinds! I call shenanigan. And to think that I (by proxy) paid for their services? Give me a break, even Streamyx does wonders at Bukit Jalil (I kid you NOT!).

Perhaps it’s high time the government stepped into the internet service providing industry and make it compulsory for ISPs to set a minimum download rate for their rendered services.


P1, by all means, please screw them senseless...


PS: I believe I speak for them Streamyx users in Penang too…

PPS: I knew I said that I’d only be back this Friday, but it’s not my fault that exams ended early.

PPPS: Rest assured, I observe a constant abstinence from vulgarity…


;-)

Artificial Nanoneurones  

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Neurones transmit electrical impulses that travel rapidly along the plasma membrane of the cells, all the way to the synaptic cleft, where the chemical impulses are then transmitted to the postsynaptic neurone by the transfer of neurotransmitters. Along the axon, the nerve impulses will “jump” from one myelin sheath to another upon reaching the node of Ranvier so as to transfer the impulses.

Motor Neurone

Now the speed at which the electrical impulses travel via the nerves ranges from 0.5 to 100ms-1. The higher the potential difference of the electrical impulse, the higher will the frequency of the impulses transferred be. Okay, enough of Biology already, let’s move on to some Particle Physics.


Linear Accelerator

A linear accelerator (LINAC) accelerates a bunch of electrons from a proton source through drift tubes of increasing lengths, which are separated by a vacuum gap. This occurs in the supply of alternating current which alternates at a similar frequency as that of the electrons, thus when the electrons reach the end of a drift tube, the polarity of the positive end of a drift tube reverses such that the end becomes negative, and the beginning of the next one becomes positive. In other words, upon the reversal of current direction, one end “pushes” the electrons and the next one “attracts” them. The electrons are accelerated when they travel through the vacuum space between the drift tubes and to cope with the increase in electron velocity, the length of the next tube is increased (v=s/t). The length successively increases, hence the speed of the electrons increases as they move along.

Imagine the node of Ranvier from the neurones serving a similar purpose as the vacuum space does. That said, the area of which the electrical impulses “jump” between myelin sheaths is made to be vacuum, allowing electrical impulses to accelerate and be transferred faster or to suit the theory, be transferred at a higher frequency. To compensate for the increase in impulse velocity and to prevent the death of a father of four from a sudden explosion of his behinds as a poor repercussion to falling on his tuchus in the toilet, the length of the myelin sheaths could be increased.

Enter nanotechnology. Have you seen the nanomites in G.I. Joe - The Rise of Cobra? You know, the small little imps that chewed a plane in a matter of seconds, the ones that said Fish You to the Eiffel Tower within a snap of your finger? These are robots assembled in nano level (1×10-9m) and can be made to function to the designer’s wish. So here, nanotechnology is applicable to restructure the nerve cells and rewiring your entire system, minus the brain. A “transformer” cell is enough to step-up the magnitude of the electrical impulses. And since creating nanospaces of vacuum inside the human body is as impossible as getting Miley Cyrus to die a virgin death, the vacuum can be conjured by enclosing the node of Ranvier with an unreactive metal (or organic polymers that are insoluble and unreactive) and pumping the air out of these discreet gaps. How so? You produce your own microfactory and insert process equations and calculations via supercomputers for it to function. As for the Alternating-Current supply, simply attach a continuous wire segments along the "transformer" axon with alternate poles affixed to alternate myelin sheaths which is connected to a voltaic cell, which depends solely on the chemical interactions within the body to generate its own potential difference, just like that of a cardiac pacemaker! But I'm a kiasu, so I'd instead turn to a cutting-edge remote ultrasound energy source, which uses an ultrasound transducer on the limb (corresponding to that where the artificial nerves are found) to transmit energy to a receiver electrode on the tip of the transvenously placed electrophysiology catherer.

In short, you get to play God.

By increasing the frequency of nerve impulses, one can slash the time lapse between detection of a stimulus and response towards the stimulus. Your metabolic rate grossly increases, hence the production of ATPs from cellular respiration. This could shed a new light to the stretching of human potential! Think about it, the speed of almost anything you do increases – running, swimming, punching (force applied too), eating – except for thinking. Yup, unless you rewire the upper circuit, the rate of juice flow up there will remain the same.

This technology could be applied to restore the potential of professionals or just about anyone who’s paralysed or suffered an accident, which ceases them from their motor skills. Doctors could restore functions to a person whose limbs are decapitated, inducing life into the prosthetic parts directly from the brain. And don’t get me started on its application in the military field!

However helpful the prosthetic nerve cells are, they too, are subjected to limitations. Firstly, the attempt to rewire every nerve in the body is laughable due to its impossibility. Not to mention the high chances of tissue death should the procedure of neurone replacement consumes a hell of a time. Recalling my suggestion earlier, it could be done at a microscopic level. And if I’d ever get such a transplant, an MRI machine isn’t exactly the kinda device I’d consider approaching. Imagine getting your nerves ripped out of your flesh onto a super magnet with your eyeballs dangling from it (the eyes are part of the peripheral nervous system too, after all). So maybe I’d restructure my nerves from a non-metal. Also, should you injure your limbs like, say, getting a deep cut on your triceps (ouch!), the entire mechanism of the nervous system is disrupted and fixing stuff at a nano level is excruciatingly painful. Ask any watchmakers, they’d know. To solve this, I'd propose a lock-and-key mechanism which binds parted continuous structures into a working system. Thus, should my wrist get injured from a gang fight (the guy who messed with me suffered heavy injuries and not the other way around, I assure you), I can choose to replace the connection of nerves between my elbow to the phalanges (fingers) instead.

There, a prospective theory from me, infusing neural science, quantum physics and a bit of nanotechnology. I swear I’m just using the big terms to sell my modest idea. It’s funny you sometimes sound intelligent when all you do is use some big words to exaggerate a puny idea that ran through your mind at times. I welcome comments and criticisms (with fair, scientific reasoning) pertaining to this concept.

Oh, and before I end, please be informed that I’ll be off the blogosphere for the coming three weeks to in respect of my finals. Unlike the previous one, I’m looking forward to make this test a blast, so do expect a hiatus from me until the 20th of November. You may expect a higher rate of posting then henceforth. Till then…

=)

Loading Quarks Into My Mind  

Posted by Raz in , ,


Memorise this within two days.

Go.

Biology Practical I - Being Chauvinists  

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Since time is a luxury I can afford right now, I’ll write about what we did today for our Biology Practical. Although this post might not be entertaining, it has a few chunks of…academics in it. Here’s what happened earlier on Thursday. But first, a big heap of gratitude to my friend, Fauzi for kindly lending his camera phone to me!

As IELTS is already beyond us, English class – which should be held from 8-10am – is a go-to-library-and-search-stuff-for-your-medical-interview session. In three words, it means waking up late day. Wait, that’s four words. Damn. Oh well…

So after a painfully annoying nightmare – anxiety decided to pay me a visit in my sleep – in which I was taking my Islamic Studies exam when unprecedentedly had to tend to my full bladder and upon returning to the hall, realised that the time was almost up and had to pass up the paper unfinished. See, I met a teacher and was allowed to sneak into the room which contained all the paper. And that was just the introduction to the annoying part that unfortunately, didn’t make my night – so to say. The rest is just a repetition of the entire event. And since my IQ and logic is basically that of a baby monkey in sleep, I had to adhere to my mortal limitation set by nature (scientifically speaking) and enjoy free entertainment while my body repairs itself. Great.

Whoa, that’s a lot of digression, so cutting to the chase, we measured the capacity of our lungs in both a relaxed and stressed conditions using a…ah, here it is, using a spirometer. Here’s how a spirometer looks like.

Pretty, Ain't It? Note The Sapphire-Crystal Covering The Surface...

Yes, it looks ordinary, like those you see coming out of cereal boxes but we got the shock of our biological academic life when our lecturer announced the price of each to be RM1,500! (Two years of studying the subject and of all wonders it has, a different subject kicks it behinds in making us gape in amazement).


RM1,500 × 10 = RM 15, 000

Oh, and before it escapes my memory, let me show you the proof of how women get their behinds kicked by men without even trying to, in the name of Science…


Average Mental Capacity. As The Value Increases, So Does The Percentage of Mental Corruption...

I’m sorry ladies, but it is scientifically proven that you’re weak physically (now now, I’m only kidding here, don’t take me for real), but by being mean and bossy, as Lisa Cuddy puts it, “is how I compensate for being “weak and soft.” Fair enough to me. XD

I drag myself back to the topic now.

So we were supposed to blow the entire content of our lungs into the chute of the spirometer and it’ll show the volume of it. And so I blew my lungs out and it turns out that mine faired a sucky 4200cm3, which is a hundred short of the average for a nineteen year old.


Worthy of Admiration

After some induced panting (walking up and down a fleet of stairs for two minutes), my lung capacity reduced to 3750cm3 due to the increased rate of inspiration and expiration! Darn. Talk about instant karma! I guess I should apologise to you girls out there for my rude remarks but hey, it isn’t my fault you are deemed weak. XP

Blow Harder! ;-P

All in all, it wasn’t a bad day, but for a thousand-word report that I’ve gotta submit along with my untouched previous two-thousand-words one. And my 20-page Islamic studies presentation. And my untouched Biology books. And my…


=(


PS: I’m not a male chauvinist. ;-)

Laugh Your Guts Out!  

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A rival to Cracked (though they can never match their standards in one lifetime), these guys come up with funny yet provoking pictures. Though the photos submitted are mostly unsuitable for children below 18 (no, I stand uncorrected), some gems do exist amongst the rest. Here’s the link to the unsuitable-for-kiddies website.

So, which of these do you fancy best?


KA-POW!!!

An Act of a Retard...

Yeah, He's The Guy Who Lost a German Shepherd Last Year...

Another Retard

When You're Torn Between Killing a Stickman or Flunking Your Student...

Pussy Cats, Feel Free To Tear Out A Number Strip Each

The Answer Was 3...

A Lecturer Actually Posted This On His Room Door!

Nice One ;-)

Classy. Elegantly Annihilated...


And My Number One Pick:

Satan's Coming.

Actually, the real source is this one right here. To the pervs who actually clicked on the link above, well, GOTCHA! To those who know who the link links to, LOL hard! Oh, and before I end, I’d like to dedicate this post to Edward Lee. Enjoy! =)